A place of my own

***Blog post drafted. 10/17/08

Well it took 10 days but I have moved into a place of my own! I had heard that places here are smaller than in America but this is extreme. The total size of my space is 6 X 18 feet. That includes the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and closets, etc. There is one section that is only the width of a doorway and is 6 feet long (between the kitchen and the bathroom), which is just inside the door. Once you get past that “hallway”, there is a space that is 6 X 12 feet, where I have my bed, my desk, and now my massage table. I have put the massage table to good use and put my Bemer on it and my suitcases are open under it, substituting for laundry baskets and separating out my different loads. There is a washing machine to do my laundry with but no dryer so I will get a folding solar dryer and put it on top of the massage table or perhaps in front of the only window, which is the size of a double, sliding glass door but only opens where there is a window that is a foot wide and two foot tall. I’m not interested in opening the window since there is so much dust and smoke (both of which I’m allergic to) outside it, due to construction in the neighborhood and someone downstairs who smokes. I imagine that laundry will be a continuous process since it could take a few days for my jeans to dry in this humidity (which is a challenge for my hair too!).

The kitchen consists of a fridge with a freezer below it (stacking). The stove top is one of those electrical ones with the black flat surface that has a couple of burners internal to it. There is a one square foot, stainless steel sink next to the stove and the washing machine is under the stove, where you would expect an oven (which I do not have). There is one cabinet for storing food and the other will have to store dish drainer and dishes since there is no counter top space to speak of. There are no drawers but there are a few hooks on the wall for potholders and/or dishtowels.

The bathroom consists of the smallest sink I have ever seen and a hand held sprayer hanging on the wall above it. There is a toilet which has very little water and pressure so I was told to use the sprayer to help things go down if they have troubles when I flush, which is not a problem since the whole bathroom is only 3 X 3 and the sprayer has a two foot long handle/tube from the sink. The door to the bathroom is glass and there is a 6 inch square drain that the water is supposed to go down after showering. It is tricky to take a shower and not get everything wet in there and to not track up the whole place afterward too. Will get a bathmat for that and maybe even a squeegee so the floor gets dry after my showers. The whole thing requires some changes in my routine since the only mirrors are in the bathroom and getting close to them after a shower won’t be possible. Using the mirror requires stooping a foot or so since it is mounted for someone much shorter than me.

I had brought along my Multi Pure water filter to make life easier and since good water is one of the things that makes me feel most prosperous. I can’t hook it up in the kitchen since the faucet has a sprayer on it. I’m hoping to find an adapter for the bathroom sink so that I can hook it up to the faucet where I wash my hands (all four adapters I have from America do not fit it) so I can use it and not have to schlep water jugs around. Not sure about drinking the tap water but I’d rather err on the safe side of that question and not end up with parasites.

There is an air conditioner and the heat is radiant floor heating like we had at Frog Song, except the floors are all marble tiles. The heat can only come on from 11 pm till 9 am so I will learn how to regulate it and imagine it will be toasty this winter. I turned on the AC last night and the place went from being hot to cold in less than 15 minutes, which I am appreciating. Hope to keep the utility bills low but the weather is extreme in both the summer and winter months, which each last a few months. I hear that winter is the only season that is not humid, which is the only thing that gives me hope that my laundry will get dry without a dryer in the winter. It is fall here now and the weather is very similar to that in the Bay Area, except much more humid which makes it seem warmer. I have had several folks ask me if I am cold since I am wearing short sleeves and they are wearing long sleeves, even sweaters, but I think I’m adjusting to the humidity.

The entryway. It’s a Korean thing. It has a motion detector light that comes on when you enter (which I triggered when I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, which I didn’t enjoy, since it stayed on well after I went back in bed and was trying to go back to sleep). This area, which is about 2 square feet and has shelves with doors for storing shoes, umbrellas, and other things you might forget as you head off for the day, is specifically for taking off and putting on shoes. Korean’s do not wear shoes in their homes or while at work. You are offered slippers whenever they expect you to remove your shoes so you do know when to do this. My feet are in pain constantly now because I need my orthodicts to be pain free in both my feet and lower back (which has been feeling twinges too) and have not had indoor shoes to wear that can hold them. I’ve been doing my Bemer several times everyday to get over this but need to try and find some shoes that I can wear indoors, especially while teaching (and standing most of the day).

Last night Reah introduced me to Matt, who will take me on the subway and show me how to get back and forth to school from my new home. He took one look at the bike I had bought and we walked over to the bike store to see if I could exchange it. They were open to it, since it meant that I would spend another $60 dollars. So now I have a bike that is much smaller and lighter (Matt says it is a beautiful bike and he is a bike aficionado). Apparently the other one was too large to bring on the subway, which I hear is very crowded. This one looks like a children’s bike, but it’s not. It folds like the other one and we will go to another store and get a headlight and a basket to add to it to make it more functional. We went out to dinner afterwards with Mr. Park and 6 other men who are all teachers at the junior high and high school levels through the program that hired me. More eating while sitting on the floor, which is challenging with my long legs and I make a mess everywhere since my mouth is so far away from the food. They are all planning a bike ride for several hundred students. I hope to participate but want to learn more about it (Matt did a bike ride across Japan, from one coast to the other so he is in great shape), mostly how long it is. Having quit my gym membership when I thought I was leaving (now more than two months ago), I have not had much exercise and feel out of shape. Will need some exercise before I can do a long bike ride. Dinner with 8 men and me-all my age except for a one or two and they pointed out to me the ones that are single (not the first time that has happened). Not sure why, maybe it is like Fiji where it is not ok for a woman to be single at my age?

Matt was clearly in pain in his lower back, and as we walked my bike back to the store, it aggravated his injury. Over dinner I offered to help him heal it. He would not come to my place without his friend joining us (he said he is “weak”, though married). These gender dynamics fascinate me and yet his assumption seemed to be that I would not have had any say in what would have transpired between us. When the three of us arrived at my place Matt ran to buy a gift, since it is Korean custom to bring a gift the first time you enter someone’s home, as an offering/omen (or something) of prosperity. His friend, who I liked very much, and whose English was better than Matt’s, told me his mane and said that I should call him Mr. (can’t recall). This shocked me so much that I forgot his name and his later comment to me really stung. When I asked him if it was a problem for him to come into my place without his friend (who was buying the gift), since he was single, he said I was old enough to be his mother so it was not an issue. He is not a young man so this got me calculating and yes, I guess I am old enough to have a son that might be 30 years old-yikes!-how did that happen?! So there you have it, women required to call men Mr…, even when the woman is old enough to be that man’s mother. Guess that means that gender trumps age (although everything in Korean language and culture requires that younger folks show respect to elders) in terms of respect and power. The implications of this in relationships between men and women have yet to be revealed but I have seen surprising things that I may write about later.

Matt returned a few minutes later with a triple box of Kleenex tissues, which came in handy even for the facte cradle we used when I did a release for his sacrum. It was great fuel for my book, listening to the body, to hear their reactions of what I was doing and which stimulated much discussion in Korean between the two men about western and eastern medicine and chi etc. Most of this was not translated. Koreans seem to not have any need to include foreigners in their discussions and carry on lengthy conversations while we wait for a change in subject or pause in conversation to be able to speak at all. In America this would be considered very rude to not translate what is being said and include the foreigner. All these differences fascinate me (and some infuriate me too!).

Now that I have an address in Korea, I can send off my voter’s registration. I faxed it last night but will need to wait till Monday to mail it as I do not know how much postage it needs from here and the Postal Service is not open on weekends. I have been stressing over this. Feeling pressure to vote in this election and concerned about not having time to get my absentee ballot from America, and send it back, by the 11/4 deadline. I told Reah about this and how important it was to me to vote in this upcoming election and how I needed an address in order to do so but she replied, “don’t push me!”

Now that I have my own place, I do not have Internet access. Apparently, this area cannot have WiFi but where I was staying before can. So I will attempt to find a place to send and receive emails and get online over the next 10 days but there are no Internet cafes nearby. Matt said he could help me with getting my Internet connection set up. I have been told that I cannot get internet until I have a green card. Reah took me to the immigration office yesterday and I thought we would get my green card then but they said that I would need to wait another week to ten days. Not so bad except that they took my passport in the process, which means I cannot do banking etc. I got upset about this. I have wanted to go to the bank for 10 days and she has been so busy that it has not happened. So there I was, without any money and learning I would need to wait another 10 days to go to the bank. Being out on my own now, I will need to be buying all my own food so being without cash mow means I go hungry. I am exasperated at the lack of communication and how much stress this lack of communication generates and how easily it could be avoided. I’m so longing for ease, inclusion, and choice and grieving that I have not had it for what seems like eternity already but has only been 10 days. Reah and I exchanged 100 dollars for 100 won until I am able to go to the bank so we worked it out but it was unduly stressful.

Staying with others has insulated me and I have had nearly zero culture shock so far. But as I ventured out on my own yesterday for the first time, I could feel it setting in. Several good cries were needed and having a place of my own allowed me to do so and let off some stress. I’m also very grateful that I brought my jackal puppet with me, who provided great companionship and empathy to me during these cries.

A walk around the neighborhood last night went a very long way towards meeting needs for freedom, choice, and adventure too, which have not been met at all until now. I found several things that I’m actually excited about, including a couple of places within a block that I’m hopeful might have internet (or at least computers I can use) and a movie theatre which has show times from 10 am till midnight on weekends (and a Popeyes fried chicken, in case I get homesick), and a farmer who sets up outside the school office which is only three blocks from here and has a wide variety of fresh fruits and veggies which I am longing for after having eaten so much cooked food the last two weeks. I hope the internet places have environments conducive to making phone calls using Skype because I need to be talking with some of you-Rachel, my empathy buddy especially. I have gone days without speaking with an adult and am needing that connection desperately (although having my first guests in my home last night helped quite a bit, the depth of connection I desire is hard to find when the other person doesn’t speak English well).

I love the way Koreans lock their doors. No keys. This means you don’t have to dig around in your purse to find keys, or worry about losing them, or keep track of them when you are out in the world, or juggle things when your hands are full trying to get in the door. The doors all have keypads with numbers so you just type in your number and it beeps to tell you if you did it right and whether the door is locked or not, both when coming and going. I found this liberating when I went out last night for the first time. It was 11:30 pm by the time I got home and the streets were full of people eating, drinking, and having a good time in general. One of the first things I noticed when I arrived here is how older women were out walking alone after 10 pm. Not a problem here. Parks full of folks shooting hoops and/or visiting on benches with each other, even late at night. My home is only half a block away from the basketball hoops and park so I hope to get a ball and play sometime.

Reah gave me a few bowls, another set of silverware, and a small glass last night that one of the other teachers left behind. Today I hope to find many other things that will turn my new place into a functional home and buy some groceries for the first time. This is the first day I can do whatever I want and I am looking forward to going with the flow and getting some of my needs met.

Much love and hugs from afar,
Terri